i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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