So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
