I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
