My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
