i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
