do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's like iHOP with fire
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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