there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
