New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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