He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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