Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
...so i touched it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
