it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
