oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
