i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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