how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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