So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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