do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
