hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
