ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
