I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
