and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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