I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
