He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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