Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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