I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
