Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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