we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
