yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
