I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
