first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said her name was "party"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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