My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bring me that man meat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
