FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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