I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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