Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
