the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
