I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wear drunk well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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