I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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