Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you repeat that, but with context?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
