dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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