Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
