I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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