Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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