She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
