So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
