so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
