I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
