Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
