I think I just saw someone hide a body.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
