4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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