How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
