Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
