I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
