her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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